I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
