Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
