i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
