Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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