dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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