I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
