I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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