And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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