I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm passing your future prison.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
