Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
