I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
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I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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