Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
