I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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