im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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