Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
