I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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