FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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