come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
