im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
