when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
