My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
