I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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