Betty ford says i'm here all night
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
