Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize