Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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