Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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