Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
