Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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