while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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