so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
