Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
