how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
