We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you win again, gameday.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
