I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
