How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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