Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
