I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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