somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He shit in the fireplace
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
