apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
