There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Are my feet made of real feet?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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