Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dick very happy bro
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
