i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
