I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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