i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
