Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
