she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
