apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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