So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
