it glows. i had to have it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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