i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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