so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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