Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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