Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
