So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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