Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
