Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
