he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize