don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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