I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
