Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
