The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dicks are not precious.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
