I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
