just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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