I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
