why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
