so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
