I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
