Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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