I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My feet surprised me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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