Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
