yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
