dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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