I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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