Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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